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“I’m gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!”

“Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I’ll cut your belly open!”

“When I get a hold of you, you’re dead. I swear I’m gonna slice your heart in half!”

“When I get a hold of you, I’m gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!”

“Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I’m gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!”

“…I’m going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!”

“I’m going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!”

“I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!”

And…

“I’m better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt… I can’t compete with that stuff.”

“Uh, hey, everybody! I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”

“Homer, lighten up! You’re making Happy Hour bitterly ironic.”

“Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch ‘em in the face, and for what?”