Zach just sent me this in an email. I like it!

Teams:

Uno, dos, tres. Tres el playeros on each team.

Timeouts:

Only refs are invested with the power of timeout. They will call one for mechanical repairs or person repairs if someone gets injured. They may also stop the game if they want to explain a call, although they are not required to do so.

Players:

1. Teams will be required to wear matching colors, please bring a backup color to wear in the event that your opponent is wearing too similiar a color. If no backup jersey is available, a coin toss will determine which team plays shirtless.
2. Mallets and bikes must not have dangerous protrusions (bolts sticking out, jagged edges, etc), and must be capped on the handle/handlebars.
3. Helmets are required. There’s also plenty of other safety equipment available, so please come prepared.

Goals:

1. Shots come off the business end of the mallet, unless a defensive player shuffles (or deflects off their mallet) into their own goal. They can deflect off any number of wheels, bikes or walls. Shots that deflect off a teammate’s body are considered shuffles.
2. Wrist shots that are scooped up off the ground with the mallet tip will count as valid shots as long as they never go above the goal’s crossbar, and also do not come from the player’s defensive half of the court. This means you can pass with an air ball anywhere at any height, but if you are attempting to score it has to be done from your offensive half of the court (no long bombs), and it can’t ever go above the cross bar on its journey to the net.
3. Shuffles do not count unless you are shuffling into your own net. That is an own-goal.
4. Half court will be given to scored-on team: play starts when ball or scored-on player crosses half court.
5. If goal gets accidentally moved, a goal judge or ref will fix it. Play does not stop.

Game format: Games will go to time regardless of score. Earlier games in group phase go to 15 mins, later on it will be 20 mins for semi finals, and the 3rd place game and final will be to 30 mins. Play does not stop at 5 goals. If there is a tie score in an elimination game, play will stop at the buzzer, and will restart with normal face off “joust” in sudden death mode (first goal wins the game).

Rules: These are arranged in severity, starting with tapouts and ending with game ejections on the bottom. I’ll go ahead and describe what these penalties mean first, and then you can read what you have to do to earn them, you naughty little turd.

Penalties:

1. Tapout: hit your mallet on the wall at either midcourt location (a cymbal or something will probably be there). If you miss it, you need to circle back and hit it right, or you will still be out. If a goal is scored, don’t worry about making the lonely roll over to the tap-out wall. It’s cool.
2. Ball turnover: For penalties like delay of game, this is just like after a goal is scored. The penalized team will wait until other team either crosses midcourt with a player or the ball.
3. One min penalty: This is for when players are intentionally breaking rules (slashing, roughing, obstruction) or accidentally being reckless (most hooking, or high sticking). When the ref sees one of these rules broken, he will whistle and call for the offending player to exit the court. The timekeeper will keep track of when they can reenter the game. After call is made the teams will be playing 3 on 2 for that whole minute unless the innocent team scores during the power play, at which time the rule-breaking team can go back to using 3 players. Play does not necessarily stop at a penalty, players should assume that the ball is active while the ref is informing a player to go to the penalty box. Play only stops if the ref deems it necessary and the ball will be turned over to the innocent team. Play will continue as if a goal had been scored, giving the innocent team half court etc..
4. Two min penalty: This is reserved for slashing or roughing calls that draw blood or otherwise serious injuries (up to the refs discretion- if you get little cuts on your leg or hand from random shit and you’re not wearing appropriate gloves or padding, you will be mocked for being a big baby). This will be served just like the one min penalty, but that player will have to be out for 2 mins instead, and consequently the team will play a man down that whole time (unless the other team scores to end the power play).
5. Ejection: This is reserved for fighting and people being complete asshats. You are simply ejected out of the game. Your team will play the rest of the game 2 on 3. Good luck with that.

And now the rules…:

1. Footdown- Putting your stupid foot on the ground. Also, leaning on the goal crossbar and touching the ball with your foot while it’s not on your pedal is considered a footdown. Penalty: tapout (tapouts will be on both sides of court). If you take too long to tapout, and you are interfering with the game, the ref can call a penalty on you for either delay of game, or obstruction. If you block a ball that is totally going into the goal, the ref can choose to count it as a goal.

Penalties that result in a ball turnover:

2. Delay of game- Flipping the ball up and out of the court. If the ball is shot and deflects off a mallet or something and goes out, it is not a delay of game. It should just be placed next to wall where it went out. Another thing that WILL earn a delay of game is being active in game after a foot down.
3. Balljointing- Description: Dragging the ball along the ground. Not to be confused with scooping it up into the air, or a wrist shot, or other ball handling that does not involve pinching the ball and dragging it. Please be advised of the difference between BJ’ing and maneuvering the ball with the open end of the mallet. Ball jointing is allowed ONLY in the player’s defensive zone. Whipping it out across half court (this is considered a shuffled pass) from a ball joint is fine. Ball jointing in the player’s offensive zone will result in the ball turnover penalty.

Penalties that result in a 1 or 2 min 2on3:

4. Hooking or holding- Hooking an opponents bike or person with your mallet, holding is grabbing something you shouldn’t with your hand, or “chicken winging” by holding someone back with your elbow.
5. Roughing- Hitting someone in the back (this will be more lenient if the person you’re hitting has possession of the ball, but knocking someone from behind while they are sprinting on a breakaway is dangerous and will be called). Hitting someone above the shoulders is also roughing, as well as punching or kicking someone pretty much anywhere. T-boning and just riding right in to someone whether they have the ball or not is also roughing. You big goon.
6. Slashing- Please don’t hit anyone, anywhere with your mallet. If it bumps into their legs or bike it’s fine, but if you’re taking wild swings and it ends up on someones spokes or fingers it will be called. Chopping down hard on someone’s mallet is definitely slashing. You can defensively hook their mallet or lift it or hold it down with yours, but tomahawking will be called. Basically when it crosses the line of possibly damaging the opponent’s mallet, it’s slashing. I’m not bothering to write a highsticking call, but hitting the ball in the air at any height is fine. For it to be a scoring chance it needs to be hit below the crossbar, and not rise up over the cross bar on it’s journey to the net. Hitting someone above the shoulders with your mallet (intentionally or not) will result in a one, two min penalty, or ejection if you’re being completely reckless. If you hit someone with the follow-through swing of a shot or pass it will be up to the ref whether to call a slashing or not, as you really shouldn’t have your face in the blast zone anyway.
7. Obstruction- Actively blocking another player from moving forward with your body/bike. There’s a difference between being in the way, and getting in the way: The latter is a penalty. Especially if the person you’re obstructing makes contact with you, as this makes it very obvious to the ref that wrong-doing is afoot. If you put a footdown and you haven’t tapped in yet, it will be super easy to earn a min or two in the box for obstruction. Get the fuck out of the way.
8. Unsportsmanlike conduct- Throwing your mallet (or dropping it in a conveniently bad place), being an asshole to a ref, etc…

2 min penalty is saved for the more brutal slashing calls or any roughing with intent to injure, or even if say a mallet ends up in someone’s front wheel and causes a lot of damage. Pretty much any call can be extended to 2 mins if considered severe enough.

Lastly, if any of you morons start fighting you will be separated and ejected from the game. Instigating a fight will earn your team a penalty as well.

goal size 100x200cm

If you have any questions about these rules that you feel you need to reach out and touch someone about, you can email me at zachtrackstar (-at-) gmail (-period-) com